Fat

I am fat.  No, I really am.  Excuse me if you think I am trying to persuade you of something that is so plain to see, but it's really myself I needed to convince all these years.  You see, I didn't used to be fat (not that I was ever what I would call 'thin') but I've been slim, with curves and always a flat stomach.  So what went wrong in the last 10 years?


Well, I eat too much; I love food and am greedy.  I am a pretty awesome cook and enjoy food and feeding others.  I have an insatiably sweet tooth.  I drink too much, I really probably do.  I also panic eat, eating just to shush the noise in my brain something.  I don't exercise enough (I do some though!)  I also (and this is where it is tricky for me) associate being hungry with being miserable; I have been thin-ish in my time, but always during periods of angst, a bad time at home, breakups, etc.  Getting thin has always meant not eating.

A year ago stepped on the scales (after refusing to do so for many years, determined that it's not how much you weigh, it's how you feel and anyway, there's more to life than being thin) and discovered that I was 12st (76.2kg) and at 5ft 5.5inches (169cm) it pushed me into the +25 range of my BMI.  I was horrified.  I tried to lose weight and then life got busy and I fell back to feeling 'meh - so what?' about my weight.  I stepped on the scales again this year at 27 years old and am now 12 stone 6lbs (78.7kg) I am 29.5 on the BMI, half a point away from being clinically obese.  I quite literally never thought I'd be in this position, but I'm resolved to get thin and be happy doing it.  Having taken a year to digest the fact that I'm fat, I'm not surprised that I'm almost classified as obese, but I no longer feeling heart broken and wretched about it, but determined.  I started this blog / twitter so that I had the resources to hand that I think I need.  I am so embarrassed about being fat (now that I know I am fat) I am reaching out into the void of the internet to look for support and love and advice.  I'd also like to think I'm not the only person invested in losing the weight, if you care I don't want to let you down either.

Fatty. Xx